I can not resist a sale.
So when I went shopping about 3 weeks ago with my squad and we found two sparkly crop tops, in my size, on sale, each for £5. I had to buy both. It was like the universe was telling me “Micha, 27 will be your year to rock the sparkly crop” so I answered with a resounding “Yaaaaaassss!”
I have recently worn both of these tops out and had a few negative reactions from the basic people of Norwich (who can not handle all of this).
I’m going to refer to these outfits throughout this post as outfit A, and outfit B. Outfit A is on the left, the A stands for “Alllll that tummy” and outfit B is on the right, the B stands for “Boobies? Please”
I went out for my birthday last Saturday and wore outfit A; Crop Top and Handbag (a generous gift) both from TopShop (they are both blue and sparkly all over but the image is a bit too dark to do them justice), Giant Earrings from H&M, Blazer from Dorothy Perkins, Boss Ass Blue Jeans and 90’s Shoes from New Look.
It was like the universe was telling me “Micha, 27 will be your year to rock the sparkly crop”
We went to an artisanal (read hispter) pub, with infused beers and gins. I had petals in my elderflower gin, I was a happy lady. That was until I realised one of my party had been gone for about half an hour so I went to look for her in the toilets. As I walked away from my table, a mid-20’s hipster noticed me, pointed, and laughed….along with two of his friends. Pointed and laughed! What is this middle school? One of them had a man bun! I didn’t point and laugh at him.
Don’t worry guys, this story has a happy ending. I found my friend, with help of another friend, outside on the phone. I told them about the point and laugh hipsters and pointed at them through the window, in my outrage I gestured at them with my middle finger, at that exact moment Man Bun turned and caught my eye, the three of them uncomfortably left not long after.
We went on to a club because (everyone who knows me will know) I love to dance. In the toilets of this particular club I have had many positive interactions with other women, exchanging compliments on lipsticks, outfits, hair, handbags, and general fabulousity. Last weekend I did have a fair few of these interactions and then I got one that was so almost nice it took me a little while to digest it. One of the girls in the toilet told me “I love your confidence”….
“I love your confidence”, not “I like your top” “I love how you’ve matched your top with your bag” or even a polite decline to comment on my appearance at all. “I love your confidence” is like a slap in the face of compliments, in fact she may have even been negging on me. “I love you confidence” says “Wow, you’re fat and you’re wearing a very revealing outfit that you shouldn’t be wearing”. “I love your confidence” says “I don’t think you look nice, but good for you trying to anyway”.
Those sort of comments make me start wearing less and going out more.
Feeling a little confused by the comment I graciously thanked this person, but then she went on to say “I could never wear an outfit like that.” and “I can’t even wear a skirt without tights”. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand I was possibly speaking to an insecure person who may well have being saying “You’re brave and I wish I had the confidence you had” but you have to understand, if you’re a skinny, pretty person and you’re telling a fat, pretty person that their only redeeming feature is “confidence” there is a whole 26 years of previous comments, snipes, and downright bullying that mean I can’t hear “I love your confidence” and take it as a compliment. Next time you’re in a club and you see a fat girl rocking it, compliment something specific. Please.
Then lsat Thursday I went out in outfit B, Crop Top from Topshop, Baseball Jacket fro a Charity Shop (and it’s label less so there’s no real way of knowing who made it) Handbag from Peacocks, and Boss ass Jeans (again) and Brown Boots from New Look.
I went out for Karaoke with some girls this week and very much like outfit A I had 2 experiences, one Negative and one confusing with a possible positive spin, but ultimately insulting so it’s getting put on blast.
Walking with my friend along the river (towards the gay bar that is very gracious about CIS women using it’s safe environment to enjoy karaoke) a guy in a passing car rolled down his window on a frosty February night solely to shout at me “Put some clothes on fatty”. I shrugged it off as I so often do in these situations. Instead of making me put on more clothes those sort of comments make me start wearing less and going out more. My 2 thin friends (with fat hearts) were absolutely horrified, having been thin their whole lives they had no idea that this sort of thing happens to me fairly regularly.
Later in the night (about 3 songs in) my thin friends told me about an older man at the bar who hit on both of them and how he grabbed at them and poked at them, generally unpleasant stuff, that luckily didn’t lead to anything more sinister. Then it was my round the only spaces at the bar were near this guy, he seemed to have cleared the space with his creepiness. When I approached the bar he ignored me. Success! He’s one of those old school old guys that doesn’t like fat girls…..that was what I hoped, turned out he just hadn’t noticed me.
He turned to me and said “I hope you don’t mind me saying you’re very unusual” he then proceeded to try to awkwardly explain to me that he hasn’t seen many “larger ladies” that didn’t despise their body. I politely made conversation and then left, as I was leaving he grabbed my elbow and said “Will I see you again tonight?” I answered “Only if I have to buy another drink” and swiftly shook him off. I have all sorts of feelings about that interaction, and all the white men that thought they could have a say about my body this week. Ultimately I know society isn’t going to change in a hurry, I just have to keep being me until it does catch up.
That brings me to Today’s Fat Outfit.
Today I’m wearing my least cropped Crop Top from H&M and my Leather Jacket from River Island. My Boss Ass jeans and Brown boots (because I’m feeling them alright) again from New Look and my new Crown Pin I got as a birthday present. Because in the paraphrased words of Omar Little “If you come at the Queen, you best not miss!”